By: Umm Khalid (Muslimskeptic.com)
If you are a stay-at-home mom and you are struggling with feelings of worthlessness or insignificance, I completely understand you.
If you feel like you are all alone, stuck at home with the kids, constantly changing diapers; cooking meals which are only half-eaten; always cleaning up messes all over the house; and nursing the baby, you are not alone.
You probably feel like the world is passing you by, while you stay home, barefooted in your pajamas and tending to toddlers, whereas others are out there in “the real world” going to prestigious jobs, earning money and “contributing to society,” and that makes you feel very small.
Some mothers who are in this situation even become depressed due to feelings of isolation, inner self-doubt and external feedback from others implying that what you’re doing is pretty meaningless.
We live in a world that values only the material, the tangible—namely, cold hard cash. A person’s worth is often measured by their financial standing. Our value tends to be recognized only when it involves earning a paycheck. Real importance is assigned only to jobs that come with pay stubs.
So, if you don’t have one of these cushy jobs that pay you a substantial yearly salary, then…what do you actually even possess? Who are you exactly? What is your value and worth?
Well, you are constantly being conditioned to believe that you are nothing.
But the reality is that, as the stay-at-home mother raising and nurturing your children upon Islam; molding their character and mannerisms upon the blessed sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ; fostering and shaping their personalities as strong, healthy—physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically sound—human beings, you are doing the most essential, worthwhile and significant work that exists.
The truth is, you are everything.
To your children, you are everything.
To your husband and family, you are everything.
To society, you are everything.
On the other hand, to a large corporation or company which may hire you for employment, you are nothing but an easily replaceable employee, a mere cog in a big machine. You can be hired and fired at their whim. You can be removed at any time, and another new part can swiftly take your place.
Nothing is more important than the Islamic tarbiyah (nurturing) of offspring.
Imagine the huge potential for earning inconceivable amounts of reward by being the person who teaches another human being how to offer their salah (الصلاة)! Imagine the immense reward that would be bestowed upon you for teaching the surahs of the Noble Qur’an, Allah’s blessed revelation, to another human being! Imagine the tremendous reward that would await you in the hereafter for teaching another human being how to perform wudu’ (الوضوء)!
Each and every time any one of your children makes wudu’; or every single time one of them prays or recites the Noble Qur’an, you gain rewards equal to the rewards they earn for themselves. Then, when your children grow up and teach their own children how to perform wudu’; how to offer salah; and how to recite the Noble Qur’an, you gain rewards equal to their rewards!
It has been narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
“Whoever calls others towards guidance will have a reward equal to the reward of those who act thereupon, without anything whatsoever being diminished from the rewards of the doer.” (Sahih Muslim)
You are looking at potentially earning an unimaginable and limitless amount of reward for teaching this essential Islamic knowledge which could perpetuate from generation to generation, right up until the Day of Judgement.
The reality is that you are not just raising only your own children; you are, in sha Allah, raising and nurturing entire generations of believers to come.
So pay no mind to all the snide comments, belittling remarks and condescending questions (“What do you even DO all day?“) from shallow people who choose to remain stuck within the limited scope of the material and the here-and-now.
Despite modern society not affording any honor, prestige or status, at all, to mothers who leave paid jobs and instead dedicate themselves to the proper upbringing of their beloved children, Islam actually bestows the greatest honor, dignity and status upon mothers.
Allah says in the Noble Qur’an:
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ.
And We have charged each human being with [dutifulness and goodness toward] one’s parents. One’s mother bore one in feebleness upon feebleness, and [the full period of] one’s weaning is within two years. So give thanks to Me and to your parents. To Me is the ultimate destiny. (Surah Luqman, verse 14)
Really take some time to ponder upon the following amazing Hadith:
It has been narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that a man came to Allah’s Messenger ﷺ and asked:
“O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! Who is most entitled to [receive] my most excellent [care and] companionship?”
The Prophet (ﷺ) answered, “Your mother.”
The man asked, “Who thereafter?”
The Prophet (ﷺ) answered, “Your mother.”
The man asked, “Who thereafter?”
The Prophet (ﷺ) answered, “Your mother.”
The man asked, “Who thereafter?”
The Prophet (ﷺ) answered, “Then your father.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)
Ultimately, as Muslims, these are the only meaningful measuring sticks for us—the Noble Qur’an and blessed Sunnah. These are the standards that we live and abide by. We don’t care about the foreign, superficial standards set by the secular modernist world, a world that is fixated only on the financial, the material and the surface level.
We do not determine our self-worth or intrinsic value based on such hedonistic secular criteria. We judge everything according to the criteria of Islam.
And, alhamdulillah, relative to the standards of Islam, you, my dear fellow stay-at-home mom, are doing excellent work—the best work that you could be doing, in fact.
May Allah reward you immensely for all your contributions to society and for every virtuous good thing that you teach and pass down to each and every one of your lovely children. Amin!